i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
