I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
