Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
third nipple confirmed
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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