At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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