Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
