Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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