remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
