hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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