k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
