So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
