I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
