Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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