When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
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I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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