I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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