I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
