I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
