I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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