I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
