apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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