I got chris browned last night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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