meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
