i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
