it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
