Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
