Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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