it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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