Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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