May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
