(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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