I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
