Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
