No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
