she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
