I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
