This is not my ceiling
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
