i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
