so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
