They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
