You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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