She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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