apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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