ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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