My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
