I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
