Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
