The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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