Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
