goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
