I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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