They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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