Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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