Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
