you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
