There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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