I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
