why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
