You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
