i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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