I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!