She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.