I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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