I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
